Question:
I was in a great relationship that ended when my girlfriend moved away. Every time she comes back into town we spend the weekend together as if we were in love again, but we tell people that we aren't dating. Neither of us seeing anyone else, and we're miserable being apart. Should we cut the cord or commit to being in the same place?
Answer:
Well sugarlips, is her kiss so sweet that no one else's will do? If so, you two girls need to get yourselves to the same city. If you're just using her as an excuse to not put yourself out there again, well, that's another story. Long-distance love can work for a while, and can be wildly romantic while it lasts. She comes in, you two go out on the town, you suddenly have a warm body next to you for a few days, and then she's gone again before things get complicated. But as you know, real relationships take work, people aren't always charming and beautiful and at their best, and in the end, you probably deserve more than a few weekends here and there.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Be the wind beneath your own damn wings
Question: A bunch of my college friends are married now, my work friends are busy, and my one remaining good single college buddy is hopeless as a wingman. How is a nice guy supposed to meet the ladies all by himself?
Answer:
Oh my little would-be Romeo, fear not. Hark, what light through yonder suck-it-up-wussy window breaks? It is you at the bar by yourself, and it's going just fine. There is nothing wrong with going out by yourself. You might meet a girl in the same situation. Look for the really sad, vulnerable-looking ones, and buy them a drink. Listen to their sad, sad stories. Or start the night with your hapless single friend so you look like a fun guy who can sustain a platonic relationship with another man, and then send him packing when you've caught the eye of your Juliet of the night.
Answer:
Oh my little would-be Romeo, fear not. Hark, what light through yonder suck-it-up-wussy window breaks? It is you at the bar by yourself, and it's going just fine. There is nothing wrong with going out by yourself. You might meet a girl in the same situation. Look for the really sad, vulnerable-looking ones, and buy them a drink. Listen to their sad, sad stories. Or start the night with your hapless single friend so you look like a fun guy who can sustain a platonic relationship with another man, and then send him packing when you've caught the eye of your Juliet of the night.
Alpha Female
Question: I'm a woman who has achieved a fair amount of professional success for my age (more than my friends have at least), I'm in business school, I have a nice group of friends to go out drinking with on weekends, I can buy things that I want, and I even have a cute apartment. People are jealous of my wonderful life, but I'm just not happy! Why?
Answer: Whoa there hot stuff! The Answer Meister is also a successful woman, and I think that going to b-school is a badass move. Good for you. In fact, from the limited info you've given me, I see a lot of myself in you. However, I also suspect that you may be barking up the wrong tree looking for happiness, as I once did. The way that I measure happiness today is by the number of people I can have a genuine conversation with. While I know a lot of people who I enjoy talking with and going out with, I count among my friends only the people who have my best interests at heart. There is nothing wrong with buying cool gadgets and pretty clothes, but none of the material stuff stacks up against a friend who wants to hang out with you just to talk with you, not to check out members of the opposite sex, not to see and be seen at a cool hangout. Note that the Answer Meister did NOT tell you to go find a man. Because that is a whoooooole 'nother story. If your search for happiness turns into a search for a man, ooh, that can turn messy. Better for now to focus on finding the kinds of friends who act as mirrors to your feisty but no doubt deep little soul.
Answer: Whoa there hot stuff! The Answer Meister is also a successful woman, and I think that going to b-school is a badass move. Good for you. In fact, from the limited info you've given me, I see a lot of myself in you. However, I also suspect that you may be barking up the wrong tree looking for happiness, as I once did. The way that I measure happiness today is by the number of people I can have a genuine conversation with. While I know a lot of people who I enjoy talking with and going out with, I count among my friends only the people who have my best interests at heart. There is nothing wrong with buying cool gadgets and pretty clothes, but none of the material stuff stacks up against a friend who wants to hang out with you just to talk with you, not to check out members of the opposite sex, not to see and be seen at a cool hangout. Note that the Answer Meister did NOT tell you to go find a man. Because that is a whoooooole 'nother story. If your search for happiness turns into a search for a man, ooh, that can turn messy. Better for now to focus on finding the kinds of friends who act as mirrors to your feisty but no doubt deep little soul.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
We get five of these a week
Question: I've had a recent outbreak of unrequited love. What should I do?
Answer: Well loverboy, Answer Meister certainly hopes you're being poetic, and aren't talking about an outbreak of the clap. First, a few questionss. Do you know that this love is unrequited, meaning, have you talked to your dulcet darling to let him or her know how you feel? Or...are you just lacking the balls to speak up? If the first, well, I'm sorry. But aren't you glad that you put yourself out there? So many things in this life go unsaid, and I'm of the opinion that we're the worse off for it. Yes, life is smoother when there are no uncomfortable pauses and when no one has to say "I'm sorry, but you're my first cousin, I'm not attracted to you" but I think it's less genuine. And if you haven't said anything yet, I say go for it, unless you'll lose your job or face criminal sanctions. (Answer Meister does not approve of statutory). Or, sit on your feelings and regret it. Mmm...the sweet taste of regret and lost chances.
Answer: Well loverboy, Answer Meister certainly hopes you're being poetic, and aren't talking about an outbreak of the clap. First, a few questionss. Do you know that this love is unrequited, meaning, have you talked to your dulcet darling to let him or her know how you feel? Or...are you just lacking the balls to speak up? If the first, well, I'm sorry. But aren't you glad that you put yourself out there? So many things in this life go unsaid, and I'm of the opinion that we're the worse off for it. Yes, life is smoother when there are no uncomfortable pauses and when no one has to say "I'm sorry, but you're my first cousin, I'm not attracted to you" but I think it's less genuine. And if you haven't said anything yet, I say go for it, unless you'll lose your job or face criminal sanctions. (Answer Meister does not approve of statutory). Or, sit on your feelings and regret it. Mmm...the sweet taste of regret and lost chances.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Do to yourself what I would do to you
Question: I feel stuck. How do I get out of this rut?
Answer:
Okay toots, why were you driving down a dirt road in the first place? You should know better than to drive off the asphalt in weather like this, because the county doesn't plow those side roads until the spring, and the ruts do get kind of deep and muddy. Better call a tow truck.
If you're talking about a metaphorical rut, well, I always say you need a kick in the ass. That's what I would do to you were I there, so do it to yourself. You could wait around for someone else to come light a fire under you, but better to do it yourself. The best way I've found to change your life is to do something that puts you outside of your comfort zone as often as you can stand to do it.
Now I'm not advocating having unprotected sex with strangers, or running into traffic, but smaller things. It has everything to do with you pushing yourself a little bit. Take a public speaking class if that's hard for you. Pick up a new hobby. If you're single, maybe going to your local biker bar and talking to a tall hairy man with a sweet ride would challenge you. If you're married, try having an affair with the guy from IT. Nothing will get you out of a rut faster than a quickie in the conference room. A protected quickie that is.
Answer:
Okay toots, why were you driving down a dirt road in the first place? You should know better than to drive off the asphalt in weather like this, because the county doesn't plow those side roads until the spring, and the ruts do get kind of deep and muddy. Better call a tow truck.
If you're talking about a metaphorical rut, well, I always say you need a kick in the ass. That's what I would do to you were I there, so do it to yourself. You could wait around for someone else to come light a fire under you, but better to do it yourself. The best way I've found to change your life is to do something that puts you outside of your comfort zone as often as you can stand to do it.
Now I'm not advocating having unprotected sex with strangers, or running into traffic, but smaller things. It has everything to do with you pushing yourself a little bit. Take a public speaking class if that's hard for you. Pick up a new hobby. If you're single, maybe going to your local biker bar and talking to a tall hairy man with a sweet ride would challenge you. If you're married, try having an affair with the guy from IT. Nothing will get you out of a rut faster than a quickie in the conference room. A protected quickie that is.
Friday, February 2, 2007
From someone who might be hitting the pipe too often
Question: Am I paranoid, or is everyone really out to get me?
Answer:
Okay sweet cheeks, my first question to you were we chatting in person would be, have you been partaking of any controlled substances? If so, try cutting back, and you might discover that the feeling goes away.
If someone in your office invites you out for drinks, and you notice a little flashing red light on the pen in his shirt pocket, do NOT say anything incriminating about what you did with the VP's husband at the holiday party, and do NOT talk shit about your boss. This guy is recording you, and plans to use this information to blackmail you around promotion time.
Answer:
Okay sweet cheeks, my first question to you were we chatting in person would be, have you been partaking of any controlled substances? If so, try cutting back, and you might discover that the feeling goes away.
If someone in your office invites you out for drinks, and you notice a little flashing red light on the pen in his shirt pocket, do NOT say anything incriminating about what you did with the VP's husband at the holiday party, and do NOT talk shit about your boss. This guy is recording you, and plans to use this information to blackmail you around promotion time.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
This will save time for all of us
I'm the kind of person that people come to for advice. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a good listener, if people think that my life experiences give me some kind of insight into whatever the hell is going on with them, or if they just like the chance to get up close and personal with my bosom when I give them a big hug at the end of their gripe session. The Answer Meister has other things to do though, so I've started this little page for you people. I'll answer a question or two a day, and you can take the lessons imparted here and apply them to the facts of your particular problem, okay? If that doesn't work, you know where to reach me. Yourquestionoftheday at Gmail dot com.
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